Sunday, November 1, 2015

My Marathon Race Plan

I ran my last 20 mile long run on Saturday and I am officially tapering!!!

As I enter the taper, or The Almighty Goddamn Taper as my brain terms it, I've started thinking more specifically about my race plan. So far, it goes something like this:

Miles 1-7:

Wheeee!!!! We are running! Per Lord of the Rings at the beginning of the Seven's journey upon leaving the Council of Elrond, WE ARE SETTING OFF ON A GREAT JOURNEY.



Miles 8-13:

There will be a hill starting around mile 8. I will force myself to choke down a BonkBreaker bar (I hate gels and cannot stomach them). I will have been running for an hour already but still have a very long way to go. Literally, no end in sight. I HAVE SUFFERED GREATLY.

The blazing sun, oh lordy.

Miles 13.1-14:

The half-marathoners will split off to their finish and look like they are about to collapse. On the other hand, *I*, assuming all is going well, will still have pretty fresh legs. I will also accelerate slightly. Or a lot, if my sassiness gets the better of me.

LOOK AT MY FLUFFY TAIL!!!!

Miles 17-19:

I have gone so far, and yet still have so far to go. Nothing interesting is happening. I am questioning (again) why I am doing this. I no longer care about goals.

While I love A Knight's Tale, I don't understand how any of the characters survived.

Mile 20:

I get suddenly and irrationally angry. At the spectators, at the people running around me, at myself, at the sky, at a piece of trash on the ground, on the camber of the road, on the slope of the road, at the color of someone's shorts.

::ALEX SMASH::

Mile 22:

Woof.

As long as the legs move at the prescribed pace, I might close my eyes a while.

Mile 23:

Sadness. Much sadness.

I reserve the right to have a tantrum at liberty.

Mile 24:

Rally. Come on, rally. For GOD AND COUNTRY!!!

Hopefully the salt on my face doesn't cause war paint this severe.

Mile 26.2:

I win!!!!

Like a ninja badass wind.

Mile 26.3:

I stagger around.

Yes, I AM an athlete. That's why I'm walking funny.

LATER:

I shall eat much pasta.

This plan is the ideal scenario. I'm hoping the weather is good, my legs are fast, and my breath is steady. Also, I want to run the first 13.1 with the 3:35:00 pace group at 8:12 per mile, then the second 13.1 at 7:58 per mile. Or the whole race with the 3:35:00 pace group. Or PR off my time from last year (3:49:36). Or finish I guess. We'll see.

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